Monday, November 01, 2010

Connection and Compassion

(Pastel by Little Messyfish and Messyfish)
The "Terrible Two's"? There is no such thing as the terrible two's, just terrible misunderstandings....(by the parent). The solution has been Maria Montessori for me recently.... here is a quote
(Pastel Drawing By Little Messyfish and Messyfish)
"Another very interesting observation is that which relates to the length of time needed for the execution of actions. Children, who are undertaking something for the first time are extremely slow. Their life is governed in this respect by laws especially different from ours. Little children accomplish slowly and perseveringly, various complicated operations agreeable to them, such as dressing, undressing, cleaning the room, washing themselves, setting the table, eating, etc. In all this they are extremely patient, overcoming all the difficulties presented by an organism still in process of formation. But we, on the other hand, noticing that they are "tiring themselves out" or "wasting time" in accomplishing something which we would do in a moment and without the least effort, put ourselves in the child's place and do it for them. Always with the same erroneous idea, that the end to be obtained is the completion of the action, we dress and wash the child, we snatch out of his hands objects which he loves to handle, we pour the soup into his bowl, we feed him, we set the table for him. And after such services, we consider him with that injustice always practiced by those who domineer over others even with benevolent intentions, to be incapable and inept. We often speak of him as "impatient" simply because we are not patient enough to allow his actions to follow laws of time differing from our own; we call him "tyrannical" exactly because we employ tyranny towards him. This stain, this false imputation, this calumny on childhood has become an integral part of the theories concerning childhood, in reality so patient and gentle. 

oh, and if your still reading here is a little more.
"The child, like every strong creature fighting for the right to live, rebels against whatever offends that occult impulse within him which is the voice of nature, and which he ought to obey; and he shows by violent actions, by screaming and weeping that he has been overborne and forced away from his mission in life. He shows himself to be a rebel, a revolutionist, an iconoclast, against those who do not understand him and who, fancying that they are helping him, are really pushing him backward in the highway of life."
(Pastel Drawing by Little Messyfish and Messyfish)
Hence the reason for my extreme distaste in Authoritarian Parenting and Education....
Even passively "sing songing" a child from place to place I find offensive. Connection and compassion is what works in the Messyfish home.


Anya said...

Wonderful words and just what I needed today,especially today.
These pastels are lovely, I absolutely love the colors.

Umatji said...

hooo! must be the time of year for reflection - I am doing some too. Good luck with the twos - I found them delightful but three was more challenging - every kid takes us on a different path. I just posted about misunderstanding children as well. And then went on to misunderstand hugely this morning - ARGH!

Lisa at Greenbow said...

Fun artwork. LMF is blessed to have such a parent.

ladybug said...

Great art and a great message. I love this and read it again and again. Thanks for posting it. I've been trying to follow this with my two year old. said...

Hi, I created some of the patterns for the Winnie the Pooh characters, but I think I got the others from the internet. Anyway, I could try and scan them and email them to you if you'd like. Do you have an email address Icould send them to?

Donna said...

great post - I needed to read this today!