I saw the end of the rainbow. It came onto the paddock. The cows were standing in it. I have a vague childhood memory of a book where the character never did get to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Everytime she got close, it just got further away.
Sounds like perfectionism. The worst form of self abuse. Never being good enough. Never getting there. Never being able to rest. Not being able to stop and say "I am ok". Having to smoke pot in my 20s just to slow down. Multi tasking.
I am learning to say I am good enough. I had a cup of tea and did nothing else but drink it and connect with my toddler today. I am recovering....