Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Slow down and take your time

(copic markers and prismacolor pencils, I  drew this by copying the image from the book "little white rabbit" by kevin henkes 2011)
Some little boys need time to come into the world. Little messyfish was yanked out with forceps after he was induced. He clearly wasnt ready, but the doctors thought it was time because my waters broke. I thought it was pool water, because I had been swimming laps the day before. We had no idea when he was conceived, so in reality we had no idea what day he was supposed to be born". The pressure to grow up began the day I let them stick the artificial hormones in me, to trick my baby to come out. It was a birth from hell. Not the natural birth i planned....
Every since that day, I felt the pressure (and mostly resisted) to hurry him up. The first socially acceptable thing I resisted was to have lots of visitors in the hospital, bright lights, noise and movement. Yes people like to wish us well....but a home cooked meal left at the door step, so mumma can hold and nourish her baby rather than be in the kitchen, would be kinder than a present that a baby can not use untill he is two. I am not being ungrateful, I am just trying to point out that many socially acceptable behaviors are not acceptable to me, or the way I choose to bring up my child.

How about breastfeeding. I have been to a number of parties, where I have been breast feeding my toddler in a quiet area of the function for up to an hour or more. I have been judged as being unsociable and impolite. I know for a fact my toddler doesnt think that. he feels connected, nourished and loved. He has absolutely no separation anxiety. He is ok. That is all I care about at this stage. Funny how one of the people who judges me, was being highly sociable at the dinner table. Life of the party infact. I heard her own baby crying by itself in a crib in a separate room with the door closed for more than 20 minutes...unattended. She comes away from the party socially accepted and behavious approved. Very strange indeed. would you leave an adult by itself in a room crying for 20 minutes, or would you go in and see if everything was ok? why is it ok for some people to think that because babies dont have words, they dont have feelings?
So what's the hurry to get the baby off the breast, out of the bed, to have table manners, to sit quiety, to be greeting and meeting like an adult? Do you think that because they make mini adult clothes for toddlers these days we forget they are toddlers. A baby in overalls and jeans? are they not workman's clothes? Somehow, I think its much more than the way it all looks. In fact the "fronts" we put on in front of each other just keep us all disconnected. Why cant we be honest with each other? When I see a mum who has a kid who's behaviors are destructive, I say to her..."sometimes I get so angry with my boy, I yell at him". She is shocked and relieved to hear this. Then she opens up and tells me how hard it is, how her  4 year old son ripped the sink off the wall and she had to get the builder in to fix it, how sometimes she doesn't even like her son, how she cant go out in public with him. We connect, she feels better. The stupid socially acceptable fronts are down. Perhaps her and her son will be able to have a slightly better relationship.
 This is what 5 year old boys were wearing in 1926 (Christopher Robin illustration by Ernest H Shepard)
This is how many toddlers were raised in 1941. In the home. Simple toys, Nourishing foods. observing daily rhythms. (Emily and Daisy by Elsa Beskow). look at all those homebakes goodies. The child is playing...not in school or pre school or even homeschool. just playing. There is learning in playing...how did we forget that? The only thing I see wrong with this picture, is that the bench is a little low!

Do you cook, clean, shower? Perhaps if you know a mother with a newborn , you could go round and do a load of washing for her, take a meal to her, hold her baby while she has a shower. Because she needs to cook, clean and shower too. In days of consumerism, it is easy to get a job and buy a thing for her. Try doing something that helps her and her baby in a meaningful and nourishing way instead? Be helpful and connect. Its all about Loving Kindness...

Linking with Owlet's unschool monday... even though its Tuesday....cause it really doesnt matter what day it is when your not on an artificial schedule.

5 comments:

melanie said...

Brilliant bold and truthful, I love it and I love you' speak out and speak up...tis why you have a voice and the freedom to use it :-) more more more I say! be true to you and yours xox

Lauren said...

Beautiful post. I couldn't agree more. xx

Diana Evans said...

Wonderful post !!! I think you have inspired me to help Moms with new borns in a better way....As a Mom myself I always did things in my own sweet time...I never read and followed stuff...I did what felt right for me and my munchkin....and I am proud of how he is today....I know some Moms used to freak out when I told them stuff...but it worked for me and no one needs to judge any Mom...we all walk in our own shoes and no one should judge or tell us how to do things.....

Jo said...

All so true. Especially the bit about the other mother at the party leaving her child to cry...so sad, what's 'socially' acceptable...Even though Kai's chosen to sleep in his own room now, I still lie with him until he's asleep. My MIL always says 'What would happen if you just left him on his own?' She's been asking that for 5 years! I say 'I don't know...why would I leave him, he's asking me to stay?' So weird! I have a similar birth story..((hugs))Little Messyfish is very, very lucky...xx

Sara said...

First, Let me say I love your blog and look forward to every new entry. I love seeing that other are in the mindset that I am coming to. I live in a area that is all about sending your child off to preschool. I get lots of looks when I say my 2nd child who is three is not going to preschool this year. The looks say " She will not be ready for Kindergarten" "She will be behind". I also get the looks when I don't have my older child scheduled in every after school activity available. It's as if something is wrong with me because I do like to spend time with my children. Everyday is not a walk in the park but I am with them and they are with me. I just nice to know that I am not alone even when I feel as if I am the only one.