Thursday, November 03, 2011

Isolation






Is it possible that I could attend a 5 day conference with 160 people and hear life changing concepts, connect with others who attend, and still one fat asshole who also attended but did not hear a word can destroy in one half sentence the unity that I was feeling? Yes. But why it is still upsetting me is because I don't know why. Because I just can't believe one can listen to Dayna Martin and Quinn Eaker and not get it, not understand, not at least try to speak consciously to children.
People are Fucked. I sink into the abyss of loneliness again.
A day of bullshit smalltalk on a long boring boat ride. The overconsumption of the crappest food I can imagine. 2 hours floating over the great barrier reef. Amazing. But visually the reef in nemo is way better. But the swim and the chemical realise from the exercise and the solitude of the water brings exhilaration and relief. I even bring myself to eat ice-cream and chips on the boat ride home, just to see why the fuck those people eat all that shit.
I get to talk to a woman who sounds like me on my journey on the way back. It's nice. I like her, but I am still bored and lonely. People like me on journeys like mine is just another version of my self obsession.
Fear renders my life monotonous again.

6 comments:

Threads of Conscience Press said...

Oh Anna' take a wander through my new blog, some of it may just help you to feel grateful and inspired, hopeful and creative...remember honey our lives are what we make them, allow your thoughts to dwell and linger in the negative space and you will miss the beauty and the wonder that comes our way in the moments xox I could use your talent, knowledge and wisdom to help me with my project, so take care of you xox

the GyPsY said...

Wow Messy .. what's happened?

Y_T said...

wow, sounds heavy. can't really think of anything to say that would help. sorry.

Y_T said...

wow. big time of not so niceness. umm. can't say anything helpful. Hug? mental hug 4 u :-)

Y_T said...

Wow! I managed to say the same thing twice in different ways with varying degrees of stupidity. Ahhhhh proud moment.

Julie said...

Hey Messy...are you ok??? I am worried about you...can you elaborate about where you went...the conference...I am sorry you had a bad experience...sure hope you are feeling better. Go and visit the monks and get centered again, girlfriend!!! Can you get some projects going, reach out to a friend. Let us know how you are, OK??? I care about you!!! How is Messyfish boy?????