Motherhood

I read this a little while back...and it is still with me. These are Linda Wyatt's words. Just beautiful....

Before I had my first child, I had nearly zero experience with very

young children. I read a lot of books, but really had no idea what

life would be like, or how much time and energy a child would take.

I also did not know what it would feel like to be a mother.

When you pictured motherhood, what did you see? Is that what you see

now?

I in no way imagined the chaos that young children can bring. I

absolutely did not expect it to be so all-consuming. I remember

telling people that I couldn't even go to the toilet without first

having to consider the needs of someone else!

Did you anticipate being exhausted?

I firmly believed I needed at least 9 hours of sleep per night. Ha!!

I don't think I have slept 9 hours in a row since having children,

and my oldest will soon turn 24.

In general, do you adapt to change easily and quickly, or is it a

challenge for you?

When I was pregnant, everyone I worked with told me that my life

would change, that things would never be the same, that I would never

have any time for myself, that I would be exhausted all the time, and

that parenting would be very difficult.

NOT ONE person told me it would be fun, and exciting, and

interesting, that it would be ME who changed, that I would not want

things to stay the same, and that much of the exhaustion would come

because there was so much to do, so much fun to have, and so much to

learn.

I was woefully unprepared to be a mother. I had almost no experience

with young children, and certainly not with babies. I had to call for

help to change that first diaper.

I was stunned by how all-encompassing it was to care for such a small

being.

At the same time, I very much wanted to be the best mother I could be.

I grew up primarily without a mother. I had one, but only lived in

the same house from the age of 7 to the age of 12.

I never had a mother/daughter relationship with her, not really. We

had a relationship, later, and it wasn't a bad one, but it wasn't the

same as it would have been had she actually mothered me.

Because of that, it was very, very important to me to BE THERE for my

children.

To actively be a mother.

To be someone they could rely on, relate to, be comforted by, etc.

It was very challenging at first, especially because my oldest child

did not sleep anywhere near as much as I had been led to believe that

babies slept.

It was very challenging because I was trying so hard to do things

"right," according to various books I had read. I didn't have friends

with babies I could ask for advice. The internet didn't exist yet.

The first, most important thing that happened is my child forced me

to look at HIM, and do things that worked with HIM, rather than what

the book or well meaning grandparents said. Once I was able to let

go of trying to meet anyone's expectations, things got a lot easier.

Co-sleeping was a very important part of that for us.

Going to sleep, and waking up, with a happy baby made a world of

difference.

I read to him all the time. Played with toys. Made messes. Learned

to see the world anew, from a child's eyes.

I quit my job after going back to work for about three hours.

Decided that that I wanted to do, to be, for then, was to be a Mom.

I let go of most of my previous "hobbies" as I started new ones.

I learned to do all sorts of things. Sewed baby clothes. Learned

about nutrition. Became a La Leche League Leader. Sold baby slings

and taught people how to use them. Started a food co-op.

Played with blocks. Puppets. Mud. Legos, later on.

Played pretend. Made up stories.

Went for walks. Played in puddles. Fed the birds. Built snowmen. Sang

songs.

As my first child grew older, and the others were born, I spent my

time with them. I reveled in the child-world, being able to play and

explore things as I had not done since I was a child. I focused on

providing for them, and through that, for myself.

We cleaned together. Cooked together. Shopped together. Played

together. All of it intermingled as we made our way through the world.

As they grew still older, there became more space for me to expand my

interests. New things I wanted to learn.

Time when I could focus on things they were not particularly

interested in.

I found interests I had never dreamed of before having children.

And I found a way to do some things I had wanted to do since I was a

child, but never had the opportunity for before.

I've never gone back to the way things were before children, but an

interesting things has happened in the past few years.

I find that I am once again taking up some of my old interests. My

old hobbies. They have been dormant for a while, but some have

remained, and here we are, years later, and what do you know? I've

found them again.

Only now, I get to do those things WITH my kids, not trying to find

time to get away from them. My children have grown INTO some of the

interests that have been on hold, so now that I can redirect myself

to some of them again, it is something we share.

My point is that people, like everything else on earth, have seasons.

There is so much in this world that we can't possibly do all of it

all the time. Things, interests, will come and go.

Enjoy this time of focusing on your child, of being in that world.

Find THOSE interests, and run with them. Be the best Mom you can be,

and feel the rewards from that throughout the rest of your life.

You may go back to your previous hobbies later on, or you may not.

You may find things you love even more.

Your child is still young and still needs a lot of your time and

attention. It will not always be so.

The one thing that helped me more than anything else was something so

simple that people often miss it, I think.

There is huge cultural pressure to do things "for yourself," to find

time "for yourself."

Nearly everyone tells you that.

But just as no one told me how much fun being a mother would be, no

one told me that what I do for my children IS FOR MYSELF, as much as

anything previously ever was. Providing for and loving my children

has made me stronger, made me more compassionate, made me more

giving, more loving, more considerate, more trustworthy. Made me a

better person. Made me who I am today.

I still don't get much sleep.

But I am VERY good at waking up quickly, and getting back to sleep

quickly, when I get the chance. :-)

Linda Wyatt

dont forget to enter the giveaway